BelchSpeak’s Best of 2009
Its that time of year again where I hyperlink back to the best posts of the past year. If you are new to the blog, this should give you a great idea of the content here, or if you are a regular reader, you can relive a blast from the past.
Personal Highlights
Got a new job. Visited Petra. Best shot on Golden Tee. Scorpion Lollipops for Cartney! Visited the Alamo. Zombie Kittens. Awesome time at the beach. Cartney shook the Mars rover. Uh.. Shreveport. Black Hat at Vegas! Natural Bridge Weekend. The Loser Cruiser. The Ren Fair. GFIRST in Atlanta. Went to the River with friends. In and out of St. Louis several times. Paul. Downtown Disney. Virginia Safari Park. Ugh. Detroit. Several trips to Hampton Roads. Epic Snowstorm. The Ferris Wheel.
Biggest Idiots of 2009
Those Nigerians promised him money! Chimp owners! Rodney King gets a free house! Raccoon rapists. Principals who rape their students. Googley-Eyed blind guys who won’t wear dark glasses! In Islam, bitchslapping is okay! Cynthia McKinney. Zero Tolerance policies. Larpers! ACORN. Hoarders. James Ray and his followers.
Worst Way to Die
Swimmer’s Ear. Devoured by crocodile on the way to school. Stuffed in a box by the inventor of Earth Day. Stranded on islands by the Chinese. Being put down like a sick cat by your doctor. Being cuddled by Miriam Sakewitz. Autoerotic asphyxiation. Gunned down at church. Eaten by a pack of wild dogs. Da Bears! James Ray’s Sweat Lodge. Jumping from a cell tower into high voltage lines.
Eco-Worshipping Kooks of the Year
Pee on your fingers to charge your iPod. Woman faces off with bear. This guy says 2ply asswipe is worse than driving hummers because trees don’t grow back. The real problem is burping worms. Eeeew. Reusable tampons. Drinking old bath water. Recycling dildos. The wind-up vibrator. Copenhagen was a massive failure.
Best Cyber Stories
100 Million Credit Cards is the largest cyber crime evah! The FAA lost lots of identities. Hottest t-shirt on the net has 3 wolves on it. Think the IRS shreds your private information? Think again. Lori Drew walks. Biggest cyber threats are thumbdrives and rogue AV. Virginia Prescription DB hacked. World’s dumbest hacker fakes suicide and aspergers; avoids extradition for a year. 3FN shut down by FTC. Hackers take down Global Warming.
Obama Mania!
This woman getting her car repossessed thinks Obama will come to the rescue. Julio praises Obama because he’s Jesus. Obama just wanted to say hello to the island of Manhattan. Obama Jesus as fine art. The Turkish media goes blackface out of respect for Obama. Obama brokers the peace with a beer conference. Obama sunday school songs. WTF Peace Prize! Olympic committee is a bunch of racists! The rise of the Slacker.
Just the Coolest of 2009
This kid really loves hors. A record breaking accident! A 7-11 robbed by a Klingon Warrior. Awesome Frank Abignale speech. Why haven’t you read World War Z? Ever get a tapeworm? This is what that’s like. Oprah flushed her last egg. Total Eclipse of the Heart Remix! Cherubs really gotta pee. Mady Breaks up Mom and Dad’s Marriage. The duster huffer on A&E intervention. Head in the sand at CSI.
Wow, what a memorable year! Tons of travel for me, Obama turning out to be a huge dud on the hope and change and lots of idiots offing themselves. 2009, you have been one rascally year and you will be missed!
