Belch.Com’s Tips to Surviving the Swine Flu Pandemic

The Swine Flu has struck and it is slaying Mexicans by the dozens.  There are reports of the flu outbreaks in several clusters in the United States as well and government agencies are preparing for the worst.  Here is some background on this insidious disease courtesy of the Weekly World News:

From the WWN here:

WASHINGTON, DC – The Swine Flu epidemic has reached the United States.  This new mutated strand of influenza starts as a normal flu, then turns people into pigs.

The world is in the grip of fear over an outbreak of a new Swine Flu.  A previous strain affected pigs by making them grow enormous and vicious.  This flu has since mutated, mixing with human and avian viruses, to create a new and more dangerous Swine Flu.  This flu begins with typical  symptoms, such as sneezing fever and lethargy, but soon makes humans grow larger and more angry.  Then, by the first full moon, sufferers turn into mutated pigs!

An early victim

So if you want to avoid infection, you must do the following:

• Avoid Mexicans, and stay away from Taco Bell, which is a known gathering place for Pigmen from Mexico.
• Stay indoors during the full moon.
• Avoid Rosie O’Donnell
• Beware of Roseanne Barr and John Madden
• Avoid health spas where fat women take mud baths
• Swine Flu may contaminate meat in both birds and pigs, so whatever you do, don’t eat Turkey Bacon!