I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Archive for August, 2008
We Need a VP Who Really Knows How to Hunt
Aug 31st
I think it would be awesome to elect McCain because I want a VP who will shoot an elk in the face. Not one that just wings a lawyer.
This undated photo provided by the Heath family shows Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin with one of her daughters posing with the caribou she shot in Alaska.
(2 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6)
Loading ...I Told You Welders Were Stupid
Aug 31st
I have a whole page dedicated to welders blowing themselves up on the job, becoming dismembered, or flattened by equipment, or splattered from lengthy plunges from worksites on skyscrapers. Why do I collect such horrible stories? To remind myself that I made the right choice and quit welding. Only a stupid person would do a job that will probably get him killed one day. And this story is more proof.
From the AFP:
Malaysian man gets nut stuck around penis
A Malaysian welder had to have a nut removed from around his penis after an attempt to lengthen it before he gets engaged next week went embarrassingly wrong. The nut got stuck on his penis following an erection forcing him to seek help at a hospital.
Staff from the hospital had to drain some blood from the penis and cut away a top layer of skin before the object could be removed. The fire and rescue department were also involved in trying to remove the nut from the unnamed welder, who is in his 20s and hoped the nut would weigh down his penis to make it longer.
Hell, I’m surprised he didn’t try to cut the nut off with a blowtorch. And the rest of you are thinking, “Yeah, I knew Malaysians had small weiners.”
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Watchmen Will Be Spectacular
Aug 29th
The movie 300 was a frame by frame adaptation of Frank Miller’s Graphic Novel of the same name. Now the director of 300 has directed a movie based on a Graphic Novel that is arguably the best story ever put in the Graphic Novel format: The Watchmen.
The story is set in an alternate reality of 1985 where Nixon is still President, the world is on the brink of nuclear war, and masked vigilantes- superheros, are real. But when one retired masked adventurer is murdered, Rorschach, a former teammate and still active hero, launches an investigation to find out why.
From the trailer and production photos I’ve seen, this is going to be another frame by frame production to bring this brilliant story to the screen. And it is going to be awesome.
If you haven’t read Watchmen, you should read it before the movie comes out in March. You can get it here, or click the photo of the book below.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Mother of the Year Might Get the Electric Chair
Aug 29th
China Arnold put her baby, four-week old Paris Talley, in the microwave and put it on the “frozen lasagna” setting. Now the state of Ohio plans to do the same to this twisted bitch.
From the AP here:
A mother was convicted Friday of killing her month-old daughter by burning her in a microwave oven. China Arnold, 28, showed no reaction when the jury’s verdict was announced and then lowered her head, looking down at the defense table.
Arnold was found guilty of aggravated murder and could be sentenced to death. The jury was scheduled to return Tuesday to begin hearing evidence in the death-penalty phase of the case.
Arnold intentionally put her baby in the microwave oven and cooked the child to death after a fight with her boyfriend. Arnolds’ cellmate testified that Arnold did it because she was worried her boyfriend would leave her if he found out the child wasn’t his.
A forensic pathologist testified that the girl likely died after being burned in the microwave oven for more than two minutes.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Sarah Palin Sticks a Dagger in Obama’s Campaign
Aug 29th
Iran better watch out. McCain’s already dropping bombshells.
I had never heard of this woman before today, but what I have learned about her since is the following:
- She fought Republican corruption
- She’s from an Energy State
- She has lots more governing experience than Obama
- She shoots critters with guns
- Her kid is in the Army, going to Iraq
- She’s a Mom of 5
- She’s a sports nut
- She’s NOT a Washington insider
Simply put, I think Palin is the freshest thing to happen to Washington politics in years. Wasn’t Obama supposed to be the candidate of change? Then why would he pick someone whose only job has ever been a Washington insider? Seems to me the real campaign of change is McCain’s.
I think Ed at Right Rant crystalized my thoughts exactly by saying:
By selecting Alaska governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate, John McCain has in one brilliant move, yanked the minority rug out from under the Obamessiah, trumped Obama on the female front, made the Obama campaign look like the insider campaign, and energized his otherwise run-of-the-mill campaign.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...12:30 AM Music: Queens of the Stone Age- Go With the Flow
Aug 28th
This video is visually spectacular with the vivid colors and cool and sexy action. And the music thumps. Click to enjoy.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...David Duchovny Addicted to Cheating on his Wife
Aug 28th
XFiles star David Duchovny has checked into rehab because he can’t stop banging women other than his wife. He’s an addict, he claims. Sounds more like a plea to his wife to not take half his stuff in what is sure to be a spectacular divorce.
From the AP here:
David Duchovny has entered a rehabilitation facility for sex addiction. In a statement released Thursday by his lawyer, Stanton Stein, the actor said he did so voluntarily, adding: “I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family.”
You know what else cures cheating on your wife? Divorce and losing half your cash. And getting old and broke.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Comcast Gives the Finger to BitTorrent Users
Aug 28th
If you download too much stuff, Comcast is going to cut off your access. After the FCC ruling that said that Comcast was out of line by shaping their bandwidth to limit the types of connections its users could make, Comcast shrugged their shoulders and said “Fine, cut ‘em off.”
After all, an Acceptible Usage Policy, which all users agree to prior to getting service, is the best and simplest way to enforce proper usage. I have the rest of this story over at Geeks Are Sexy.
Me? I ain’t worried. I have FIOS, and I love it. Except when they were giving all new users free HDTV’s. I was with the company for almost two years by the time that promotion came around, and I didn’t get anything. But at least I have great internet service.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...ShowOff Pwnage
Aug 28th
Remember the game Knockout? Instead of “bodyblow! left! left! bodyblow,” we have “cartwheel, roundkick, cartwheel, handstand, cartwheel.” With the results you know you want to see. Enjoy. Thanks Tuffer!
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Unbelievably, Rapper DMX Drops the F-Bomb During His Court Appearance
Aug 27th
What?? A rapper curses in front of a Judge while pleading for bail? The hell you say! But its true. Rapper DMX cursed at the judge in the CNN video below. Click for the giggles.
What did poor DMX do to deserve this cruel treatment by this white judge? Click here.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Caylee Anthony’s Body Sure Did Stink
Aug 27th
Pew! That smell in Casey Anthony’s Car? DB. Decomp.
From WESH here:
Much-anticipated results from the University of Tennessee Body Farm reveal that the smell in the trunk of Casey Anthony’s car, mother of missing 3-year-old Caylee, is human decomposition, a law enforcement source said Wednesday.
Air sample tests taken from Anthony’s trunk were sent on Aug. 10 by the Orange County Sheriff’s Office to be analyzed at the University of Tennessee Forensic Anthropology Facility, known as the “Body Farm.” According to two sources, including one with direct knowledge of the investigation, initial tests on that foul odor in Casey Anthony’s car have come back positive for human decomposition. The finding is the first scientific signal that a dead body was in Casey Anthony’s car.
Remember how everyone got the “Rachel” haircut back in the 90′s because of Jennifer Anniston’s hairdo on Friends? Casey Anthony has been on TV enough now to inspire her own haircut, the “Casey.” But you can only get one at the HairCuttery if you bring a 3 year old girl with you.
(2 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Space Virus Infects International Space Station
Aug 27th
Actually, its a virus that steals passwords to games that is infecting laptops spacedudes brought with them to the space station.
From the BBC here:
A computer virus is alive and well on the International Space Station (ISS). Nasa has confirmed that laptops carried to the ISS in July were infected with a virus known as Gammima.AG.
The worm was first detected on Earth in August 2007 and lurks on infected machines waiting to steal login names for popular online games. Nasa said it was not the first time computer viruses had travelled into space and it was investigating how the machines were infected. It is thought that the virus might have travelled via a flash or USB drive owned by an astronaut and taken into space.
The laptops infected with the virus were used to run nutritional programs and let the astronauts periodically send e-mail back to Earth.
The laptops carried by astronauts reportedly do not have any anti-virus software on them to prevent infection.
Nasa told Wired News that viruses had infected laptops taken to the ISS on several occasions but the outbreaks always only been a “nuisance”.
Nuisance, eh? I guess installing a thirty dollar AV software client would be a nuisance too. So, you work for NASA and need to carry data into space with you. Obviously you need a piece of equipment that can withstand the shocks of launch and re-entry through the atmosphere. Such equipment is probably not very cheap, and I somehow doubt if Willie the Spacewalker has a Dell laptop with him. So… why isn’t the system protected against simple viruses? I’m going to say the NASA security guys are stupid.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Move Over Kitties
Aug 26th
The Missus and I are having difficulties keeping the toddler out of the kitty condo. He loves to climb up in there and just hang out and watch Elmo and play king of the hill with the kitties. I just know the nylon and plastic construction won’t last long now Cartney is using it as a tree fort, so I thought I’d snap a shot of it for posterity.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...2 PM Music: Presidents of the United States- Mixed Up S.O.B.
Aug 26th
This is an awesome music video. First, its PUSA, which is a dirty musical pleasure of mine, and second, its directed by Weird Al Yankovic, which would make you think it would be a goofy video, but it is visually very appealing. Click several times to enjoy over and over.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...EBAY Sale: Personal Data of Over a Million Bank Customers
Aug 26th
An employee swipes an old system from his company and sells it for crack money on EBAY. On the old system is unencrypted information on credit card transactions and personal information of more than a million persons. This would have been the motherlode for scammers and fraudsters.
From the DailyMail here:
Personal details of more than a million bank customers have been found on a computer sold on eBay. Highly sensitive information on American Express, NatWest and Royal Bank of Scotland customers was stored on the machine’s hard drive. It includes names, addresses, mobile phone numbers, bank account numbers, sort codes, credit card numbers, mothers’ maiden names and even signatures.
It was on a computer previously used at the company’s archive in Shoeburyness, Essex.
A former employee sold it on eBay for just £35.88 earlier this month. Crucially, he did so without first erasing the internal hard drive.
It was only when buyer Andrew Chapman started looking at the hard disk that its astonishing contents came to light.
First, how did this computer leave the building without the security team throwing a fit? Second, why was that data stored unencrypted on the hard drive if it was at the company’s ARCHIVE office? Sloppy security bankrupts people.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Definition of a Monumental Fail
Aug 26th
This monumental erection gets too close to the power lines. I never thought I would blog those words. Heh. Click on the video to see what I mean. Thanks to Neatorama.
Anyone want to hire a crane operator?
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...4 PM Music: Earl Scruggs and Steve Martin- Foggy Mountain Breakdown
Aug 25th
This is an amazing display of banjos jamming live on television. As a bonus, Steve Martin is playing along, proving that his banjo playing is much better than his acting. Click to enjoy.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Muslim Man Blessed to Death by Crocodile
Aug 25th
A Muslim man traveled with his Mom to a shrine to get a blessing by a crocodile. Because crocodiles can do that in Islam, betcha didn’t know that, huh? Anyways, there was a blessing alright. One of thanks for a bountiful meal.
From the PostChronicle here with thanks to Ed at RightRant.
Rubel Sheikh has been killed in a “rare” crocodile attack at the Muslim Khan Jahan Ali shrine.
According to Bangladesh police inspector Humayun Kabir, a crocodile killed and ate 25-year-old Sheikh after he entered a pond to be blessed by the dangerous reptile.
Rubel Sheikh and his mother visited the MKJA shrine to be blessed by the crocodiles in a ritual that involves bathing in the water with the animals.
Kabir claims: “He went into the pond hoping to be blessed when a crocodile attacked him and dragged him into the deep part of the pond.”
“This is a very unusual incident. Normally, the crocodiles are very friendly and do not harm people.”
So does this mean instead of a blessing the man was cursed? What a stupid belief you have if you think crocodiles have magic powers.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Communism Starves North Koreans. Kim Jong Il Introduces the Super Noodle!
Aug 23rd
Well, this should fix Everything. Take an ordinary noodle and inject it with soybeans, and suddenly no one will be starving anymore.
From ABCAustralia here:
North Korea, facing its worst food shortage in nearly a decade, has come up with a culinary innovation aimed at delaying the feeling of hunger – noodles made from soybean.
A research institute at the country’s education ministry has succeeded in making the food by mixing soybean with corn. The new noodle has almost twice the protein and five times more fat than the normal noodles consumed by North Koreans.
It represents a technological breakthrough as soybean has previously proved difficult to turn into noodles it lacks starch.
A recent survey found up to half the people in North Korea were having to forage for foods and some were resorting to eating edible grasses and roots.
Wow, they had to do a survey to find out which poor bastards were out in their front yard eating turf? They couldn’t just walk down the street and see which ones were nibbling grass shoots like a goat? Here’s a hint. If they are female, they graze in the pasture. But thank God for communist “culinary innovations,” huh?
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Crazy Bitch, Thy Name is Kimberly Jernigan
Aug 22nd
I thought former astronaut Lisa Nowak was the country’s craziest psycho ex-girlfriend. I think there is a new winner for king of the hill on Crazy Bitch Mountain.
Its Kim Jernigan, who, after being rejected by her Secondlife boyfriend when they met in real life, tried to kidnap him from his home using a Taser, duct tape, and a BB gun.
From CBS3 here:
A woman wanted in the bizarrely complicated attempted kidnapping of her former virtual boyfriend has been apprehended after a multi-state search. 33-year-old Kimberly Jernigan of North Carolina was distraught after her online relationship with a 52-year-old man from Claymont, Delaware came to an end.
The pair apparently met online in “Second Life.” A virtual relationship began between the victim, whose character was a Lion, and Jerrigan, whose online persona was said to be a virtual woman.
When the two met in reality several months ago, police said the victim ended the relationship, sending Jernigan into a downward spiral.
In the beginning of August, Jernigan allegedly drove to the victim’s Pennsylvania workplace and attempted to kidnap him at gunpoint. While she was unsuccessful, she returned two weeks later to track down the victim’s Delaware address by posing as a postal worker.
With her dog Gogi in tow, Jernigan cut and removed a screened window in order to enter her virtual ex’s apartment.
When the victim arrived home on Thursday, August 21, he saw someone pointing an object at his chest that was projecting a laser beam. He immediately fled the apartment and contacted police.
Officers arriving at the scene discovered a pair of handcuffs, a roll of duct tape, a Taser and a BB gun as well as the suspect’s dog. Jernigan had bound her dog Gogi with duct tape and put him in the bathroom as he was making too much noise.
Approximately an hour after the incident, authorities in Maryland spotted Jernigan’s vehicle at a rest stop on I-95. She was taken into custody after a brief struggle. Jernigan is currently facing charges of attempted kidnapping, burglary and aggravated menacing.
The dog is better off without this psycho woman. What went through her mind to make her think she would succeed at this plot?
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...
