BelchSpeak’s Best of 2007

(3 votes, average: 5.67 out of 6)

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For those of you who may be new to the blog, and for those of you who have been around for a while, allow me to familiarize you with what I consider the best blog postings of 2007.  Feel free to click these instant classics and relive the experiences or discover them for the first time.

Personal
I experienced quite a few personal milestones in 2007.  I found out the sex of my baby, and worked quite hard on getting the nursery together.   I became an Uncle again and lost a beloved pet. I got a new kitty to replace the one that died, and became a father for the first time.

Website Recognition
I caught wind that my website was mentioned in a newspaper somewhere. 

Idiots of the Year
Some of the biggest dopes of the year were celebrated with blog posts.  First up is a county treasurer that gave his county funds away to Nigerian scammers in an email scam.  Next up is Sheryl Crow and her big dumb idea to use less toilet paper in order to fight global warming.  While awaiting trial for killing dogs with his dogfighting scheme, Mike Vick toked up and failed a drug test.  And Katherine Lester spent some quality time with an abusive Moslem in the West Bank and finally realized that everyone else in the world really does know what the hell they are talking about.

Worst Ways to Die
Most of the worst ways to die that are mentioned entail getting eaten by animals or squished by something stupid.  Or both.  First up is an owl that kills a drunken thief.  Next, a whacky animal horder gets squished by her pet camel.  Sadly, a baby is killed by her vegan parents because they refuse to feed her milk.  Some idiot that keeps a tiger and a lion on his roof in Mexico is eaten by both of them.  And a “Peace Monk” cuts his lawn the absolutely wrong way.  And yet another camel humps a lady to death.  The creepy goth guy that collects spiders?  Yep, the spiders ate his dumb ass.  And finally, death by peanuts.

Biggest Hypocrites for 2007
Peta Employees went on trial for cruelty to animals.  They were dumping doggie corpses into a dumpster at a grocery store.  Prius drivers are worse for the environment than Hummer drivers.  And Al Gore.

Perverts of the Year
A 29-Year-Old Pedophile enrolls himself in the 5th grade.  Lorelei Corpuz is a 28 year old lesbian woman who passes herself as a teenage boy to scam victims.  A story about a creepy school teacher got the most comments on the site.  A Senator named Larry Craig.  And some creep that loves his dogs too much.

Religious Stupidity of the Year
Once again, it is mostly Muslims that do the whackiest stuff, followed closely by witches.  First is the retarded Burkini bathing suit.  Next is a Moslem that practices necromancy.  Modern witches went to trial in Salem for mutilating a raccoon.  Another witch was drunkenly burning debris too close to her home as part of a ritual.  And the muslim rage over a stupid teddy bear.

Most Deserved Firings
After many embarrassing goofs, the Department of Energy boss was fired.  A county assessor was doing blow from her desk.  A stupid teacher brought heroin to school.  And a school principal was performing voodoo rituals to help students get better grades.

Stupid Chinese Travesties
Kids that spend too much time online gaming get electric shock treatments.  The Chinese brag that they help reduce global warming because they abort so many babies.  And when rats become a problem, just put them on the menu.

Best Clown Stories
One clown tried to sneak drugs into a prison.  This mime finally did something really funny.  And this clown was busted for fondling children in Asia.

Global Warming Hoaxes of the Year
Global warming supposedly is more dangerous than a full-blown nuclear war.  Children are scared shitless about global warming when they should be more afraid of their teachers.  And a giant douche won the Nobel Prize.

2007’s Best Cyber Stories
The Storm Worm becomes the most powerful distributed computing platform on the planet.  AT&T is listening in on cyber communications.  Comcast and Net Neutrality.

Posts That Make Me Laugh
Jeff Dunham and his new terrorist friend.  And the song Symantec sings to their disappointed shareholders.

Bizarre Comments
Two posts stand out as having deranged visitors and flaky comments.  Enjoy the comments by a bedwetter bisexual virgin here and a school teacher that defends a pedophile teacher in his school district.

2007’s Scariest Trends
Meth use is getting out of control in the midwestern states.  And enough with the stories about nooses, okay?

Father of the Year of 2007
Alec Baldwin for his voicemail to his daughter.

Mothers of the Year of 2007
The Straws, who let their kids starve because they were too busy playing Online games.  This Mom threw her baby at cops when they tried to bust her for smoking dope.  And this Mom filmed her 2-Year Old getting high and posted it on Myspace.

Just the Coolest of 2007
A copy of a speeding ticket:  205 in a 65.  The runes featured in the end of the Davinci Code at the Rosslyn Chapel were cracked.  Cannibal Chipmunks.  Dante’s tour of hell.  Virginia is the world’s wine destination.  Dracula fought the first war on terror.  Hedgehogs.