No More Fashion Nightmares

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I was very pleasantly surprised the other day when I was outside of Starbucks and spotted some neighborhood kids riding their skateboards. They were wearing straight leg jeans. Their ass cracks weren’t showing. You couldn’t see any part of their underwear. The cuffs went all the way to the ankles and they weren’t frayed. And the knees weren’t even ripped out.

The fashion gods have answered my prayers and killed the baggy-pants fashion nightmare. Now, if they can only get rid of low rider jeans for women too, I would be ecstatic. Its not that I think belly buttons are unattractive (I do think they are gross, but that is for another blog), but face it, it only really looks good if you have a body like Britney had before she met FedEx.

Too many girls around my town wear low-rider jeans and belly shirts and they have four-inch jiggly muffin tops oozing over the tops of their pants that are straining at the seams. Whats worse is many of these jeans have stupid sequined phrases written on their asses that say “sexy” “party” or something similar. What they should say is “keeblers” or “BurgerKing.”

Well, the days of the muffin top is coming to a close now that “Tummy Tuck” jeans are here.

From NBC4 here:

Could you eat all the nachos you want and still look hot in your jeans? Maybe. One company claims its jeans can help flatter your figure.

The Tummy Tuck Jeans brand claims that its jeans slim the mid-section without exercise or surgery. In fact, the makers of the jeans, Not Your Daughters Jeans said patented criss-cross stitching behind the front pockets allows the garment to flatten the stomach, lift the buttocks and slim the body.

The company said that Tummy Tuck jeans “holds in your stomach, contours your hips and lifts up your butt without making you feel like you are wearing a girdle.”

The jeans are endorsed by some well-known people as well. “Women who like to eat need Tummy Tuck jeans!” famed chef Rachael Ray said in a press release.

And is it me or is Rachael Ray getting just a little over-exposed?