January 26, 2006
Who Wants to Date Your Stalker?
Americans can’t get their fill of tasteless reality-based game shows! Coming soon, to FOX, will be a gameshow from the producers of Joe Millionaire and Fear Factor!
O.J. Simpson makes his return to television as the controversial host of Who Wants to Date Your Stalker?
This show opens with videotaped expressions of love by folks infatuated with men, women, celebrities, or singers, along with statements of what they would do if they could have a date with the object of their affection. Video footage of the victims are provided by undercover detectives or by the stalkers themselves. The stalkers then perform various stunts, such as eating all of their own hair in a milkshake, severing small fingers or ears, or piercing body parts with hot pins. When the stunt is successfully completed, the stalkers get the opportunity to make their pleas for a date with their victims.
The victims in these cases are tricked into flying to the city of the studio under various pretenses, such as a job interview, contest prize, or audition for a film or TV show. The victims are then brought out onto stage before a live audience where their stalkers beg them for a date and show their victims the excruciating pain they would put themselves through to earn such a date.
If the victims say no, then O.J. attempts to persuade the victims to comply by luring them into the date with offers of cash, prizes, and even armed security guards if desired. The stalking victims can even request additional proofs of affection from the stalker by spinning the huge prove-it wheel that contain various and nefarious and often humiliating stunts that the stalker must perform upon request.
An exciting moment to look for is when O.J. tells one despondent loser stalker, You know what you have to do now, right? and then winks and slashes at his neck as if he were holding a knife. Just joking folks, send your letters to FOX, ha, ha.