Archive for January, 2006

Divorce and Heartbreak on Spike TV!

Spike TV is expanding its lineup of reality fight shows by introducing a new gameshow based on real couples splitting up and divorcing! Get ready for Divorce and Heartbreak, hosted by Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.

Nick and Jessica provide scathing and catty remarks toward not only each other, but also the contestants on Divorce and Heartbreak, where regular couples, experiencing divorce, compete with each other for the prizes of their own personal belongings that are up for grabs as the couple splits forever! The game consists of three preliminary rounds, and one final grand prize round.

The game opens up with a five-minute documentary that introduces each contestant, and includes the date of marriage, the length of marriage, the number of children, and edited footage of family movies. Re-enactments of alleged wrongdoings are shown, including cheating, abuse or gambling.

Round One is the Irreconcilable Differences round. In round one, each contestant bids groups of items valued at under 200 dollars each, up to a 5000 dollar maximum. These items include electronic equipment, the bottom tier of family furnishings, personal mementos and jewelry. Each contestant then recounts horrifying stories of mistreatment during the marriage, including such topics as cheating, drinking, compulsive gambling, constant nagging, or inability to hold down a job. The audience then gets to vote based on the testimony to determine who had suffered most from the marriage emotionally, and that person is awarded all prizes in that round.

Round Two is the How well you know your former spouse round. In this round, each contestant bids, one at a time, the larger value items priced at under 4000 dollars each. These items include washers/dryers, the best family furnishings, expensive jewelry, entertainment systems, etc. The hosts ask each contestant personal questions that the former spouse should know based upon their marriage. If the contestant loses his bid, the other contestant gets the prizes.

Round Three is the Big Ticket Item Round. In this round, all expensive items are put up as a bid. These items include the cars, boats, RV s, personal watercraft, the house, and even alimony. The hosts ask each contestant why they deserve each item based upon their failure to keep a marriage together, and each contestant pleads their case. The audience then votes who should get each item, but the audience decision must have at least a 20% margin, or else the decision is made by a guest Family Circuit Court Judge.

Round Four determines who gets custody of the children. In the final round, each contestant can offer to return a portion or all of their winnings in a bid to trade for custody of the children. If no bargain is made, the contestants in-laws and friends make a plea to the audience to state their cases why each contestant should be awarded custody. The audience then decides, but the margin must be greater than 20% or the guest Family Circuit Court Judge makes the determination.

All decisions are final as signed by a contract by each contestant prior to the show.

Some excitement to watch for includes fistfights between rival in-laws and friends of the former couple, and the snappy jibes Jessica and Nick hurl at each other.

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Jeff Probst Celebrity Belch

Jeff was very kind to send in this awesome chunky belch during his brief stay in America between his trips to the Outback and the African setting for his hit show, Survivor! Thanks, Jeff! To hear the belch, click Jeff’s photo.

Survivor Host Jeff Probst

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Great Beer! Sam Adams and Sammy Light

Sam Adams is a great American Beer, and its company, the Boston Beer Company is a great American Beer Company. The regular lager beer stacks up against any lager in the World in my opinion, and the Sammy Light is one of my favorite light beers. The Website of the beer is very well made, albeit in Macromedia Flash. The also have some great wallpapers available in the downloads section. Swing over there and check it out, but then come right back here!

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Let’s Play Celebrity Rehab!

This new “Celeb-reality” gameshow on VH-1 is Hosted by former singing sensation and recovering addict, Whitney Houston.

Host of Celebrity Rehab

Whitney Houston hosts this fast-paced, edgy trivia game which pits addicted celebrities against common junkie contestants for a chance to get rehabilitated at one of the leading clinics in the country. The game consists of three rounds with increasing point totals, and the winner at the end of round three receives six months of drug rehabilitation.

The game opens with a 5 minute black and white, grainy footage of the trials and problems each contestant has faced while battling their addictions. Whitney Houston then introduces each contestant, and chats about possible film projects for the celebrity. She asks each how long they have been an addict and gets to hear stories about the craziest thing each of them did while stoned or high. During the competition, when a competitor gets a question wrong, Houston will often tease the contestant by asking, What, have you been smoking?, or Are you on Crack?!

Trivia categories will include movie or entertainment trivia, drug trivia, states and capitals, and potluck or general trivia.

Between each round, the contestants are offered the opportunity to redeem a portion of their score for various quantities of heroin, marijuana or crack cocaine.

Excitement ensues in season one with numerable celebrity walk-ons and testimonials from former addicts, along with a surprise arrest of the Hostess for failure to follow guidelines set out by her parole officer.

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Jennifer Lopez Celebrity Belch

A fan of the site was able to track the beautiful “J-Lo” down in a New York City nightclub, and after much begging, she recorded this cool eruption into a pocket tape recorder. Click on the Photo to hear the Belch.

Jennifer Lopez Celebrity Belch

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Who Wants to Date Your Stalker?

Americans can’t get their fill of tasteless reality-based game shows! Coming soon, to FOX, will be a gameshow from the producers of Joe Millionaire and Fear Factor!

O.J. Simpson makes his return to television as the controversial host of Who Wants to Date Your Stalker?

This show opens with videotaped expressions of love by folks infatuated with men, women, celebrities, or singers, along with statements of what they would do if they could have a date with the object of their affection. Video footage of the victims are provided by undercover detectives or by the stalkers themselves. The stalkers then perform various stunts, such as eating all of their own hair in a milkshake, severing small fingers or ears, or piercing body parts with hot pins. When the stunt is successfully completed, the stalkers get the opportunity to make their pleas for a date with their victims.

The victims in these cases are tricked into flying to the city of the studio under various pretenses, such as a job interview, contest prize, or audition for a film or TV show. The victims are then brought out onto stage before a live audience where their stalkers beg them for a date and show their victims the excruciating pain they would put themselves through to earn such a date.

If the victims say no, then O.J. attempts to persuade the victims to comply by luring them into the date with offers of cash, prizes, and even armed security guards if desired. The stalking victims can even request additional proofs of affection from the stalker by spinning the huge prove-it wheel that contain various and nefarious and often humiliating stunts that the stalker must perform upon request.

An exciting moment to look for is when O.J. tells one despondent loser stalker, You know what you have to do now, right? and then winks and slashes at his neck as if he were holding a knife. Just joking folks, send your letters to FOX, ha, ha.

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Kanye West Celebrity Belch

I have to say that getting Kanye to submit a belch to this site was one of the most difficult endeavors I have ever undertaken. Kanye West, the newest and hottest rapper that doesn’t have bullet holes in him, gave one of the worst performances of any celebrity on this site. What can I say? Kanye West doesn’t care about belches. Click the picture to hear this poor performance.

Kanye West is a Horrible Belcher

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Great Beer! Blue Moon Belgian White

One of my new favorite beers is an American Wheat beer brewed by Coors Brewing Company. Currently this brew is becoming very popular in the Washington DC suburbs, and it tastes best when served with a slice of orange. Pick up a sixer in time for the game! Tell ‘em Belch.Com sent you, and you will get a free funny look from the check-out clerk.

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Howard Stern’s Celebrity Belch

Howard belches daily while he is on the air with his Satellite Radio show on Sirius. And while he may be the self-proclaimed “King of all Media,” his belches leave a bit to be desired. Click on the Picture to hear it.

Howard Stern

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Belch Haikus, or Burp-Kus!

Japanese Poetry but with Belches!

Introducing a brand new concept in poetry! Burp-ku! Burp-ku is a cross between a Japanese poem, “haiku” and of course, burps! The burp-ku is free form, three line poetry. Its content is about belching, and the first line has five syllables, second line seven syllables, and the final line five syllables. Below are some examples by Yours Truly.

?Burping, belching noise.
Keep tasting the stinging bile.
Too much sauerkraut.

Pastor’s silent prayer.
Heads bowed, people giving thanks.
Bad time for loud burps.

Godzilla rampage.
Eats contents of whole school bus!
Burps taste like chicken.

Submitted by Alice McKinney
Koala in tree
Sweetly belches, with a smile
Eucalyptus scent

Submitted by Alice McKinney
At the Vatican
Red robed man emits loud belch
Oops, Cardinal Sins!

Submitted by Alice McKinney
Carnivore am I
Meat meet meat, gastric distress
Belch burp belch, or mess.

Submitted by Tom Bramwell
Seven deadly sins…
You can keep them all except
For gluttony. -Berf-

Submitted by Alice McKinney
Salsa wars within
Gut afire with need, EXPLODE
Woe to bystanders

Submitted by Marty Busch
I held a burp in.
Something went completely wrong.
Brown-stained underpants.

Submitted by Beth MacLagan
I must tell you this.
Just how much I really care.
Burp belch grrrrrrup gack ack.

Submitted by Justin Kupanoff
The stench I love it
The belching I enjoy it
The sound is delight

Submitted by Sandra Karkau
Loud, earth-shattering
Gastrointestinal noise
The great, mighty burp

Submitted by Wendy Mellanby
A gassy feeling
Can’t hold it in. Gotta burp.
If not – flatulence!

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After You Chug, you Get These 5 Belches

Here are 5 great belches submitted by the visitors of Belch.Com. You can enjoy them by clicking the links and you can email them to your friends and pals by clicking the email link. Enjoy.

Krystal Flores did this one while belching into a Coke Can! Email to Friend

Italian belching wonder Ivano is back with this rutto. Email to Friend

Young Canadian Ryan Williams produces deep, rumbling eruptions. Email to Friend

This one was submitted by a young lass known only as Susie. Email to Friend

Eric chowed down before he produced this beauty. Email to Friend

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Britney Spears’ Celebrity Belch

Single Mom Britney’s belch was by far the most requested celebrity belch in the history of the site, and we are proud to finally present it to you. It took quite some time to finally have the former Mrs. Federline send in her contribution, and after numerous rejections for bad quality, an acceptable submission was finally received. The most shocking part is, even though she shills for Pepsi, she chugged a bottle of Coca Cola to get this performance! Click the Picture to hear it.

Single Mom Britney Spears

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Five Rumbling Belches for You

Here are five great belches by the fans of Belch.com. Just click to listen, watch, or click the link to email the file to your friends! If you want to comment on what you see, you have to register first.

 KS said this one smelled like Tacos! Email to Friend

Great video of Missy and her friends belching out a loud one! Email to Friend

Fabulous “Belch Beat” mix by Matt Simonton. A Must Hear! Email to Friend

This loud and long one was attributed to “Wicked JuggaloEmail to Friend

George Kay exhibits great bass, followed by a loss of control. Email to Friend

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Angelina Jolie Celebrity Belch

Hot actress, home wrecker, and star of the hit movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith, announced this past week that she is pregnant with Brad Pitt’s baby. Here is a photo of her, right after she found out about the pregnancy. After chugging some Jim Beam, she emailed me an incredible belch. Click on the picture to hear it.

Angelina, Pregnant with Brad's Baby

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Swallow These- 5 Belches for You

Five excellent belches submitted by the fans of Belch.Com are presented here for your enjoyment. Click on the link to listen, or click the link to email the glorious chunky sounds to your best mates.

This deep and beefy belch is courtesy of Joe Hargett. Email to Friend

Katie produced this long rumbling belch. Email to Friend

Eff One is back, and this time, he has Kool-Ade on his mind. Email to Friend

Mark the “Aardvark” sent in this Ice Cream Belch. Email to Friend

Cool List! Incredible stereo Classical Music Belch (I think it’s Bach), submitted by Robbell. Email to Friend

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Alicia Silverstone’s Celebrity Belch

Washed up clueless actress and full time Vegan, Alicia Silverstone took this photo to promote the use of ‘pleather’ in an ad by radical organization PETA. She also sent us her belch on request. Click on the photo to hear it.

Rabid Vegan Alicia Silverstone

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These Came From Deep Down

Five more great belches from the fans of Belch.Com. Click it and listen, or click the link to email the belch to your buddies!

10 Year Old Ian has a totally chunky redition. Email to Friend

Anders Ryersgaard from Denmark submitted this great MP3 belch song. Email to Friend

7 Year-old James sent in this fine belch. Email to Friend

Austrian Belcher, Hanno Jonas, sent in this MP3 file of several compiled burps. Email to Friend

Michelle from Quebec, Canada has strung together an amazing series of belches. Email to Friend

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Five Incredible Belches

Below you will find five belches submitted to the site from its fans. Click on the link to listen or email it to a friend, a relative or a complete stranger!

There is nothing more disgusting and a good vurp (vomit-burp). Thanks, Sangria! Email to Friend

Robby Garrett is back with this hilarious department store announcement. Email to Friend

He boasts that he has been a fabulous belcher all of his life, and now Sam gets his chance. Email to Friend

Gary Reed from Auburn NY uses his internal bellows to grind this one out. Email to Friend

Sangria, a girl, pushes out this 36 second belch. So GROSS! Email to Friend

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Michael Jackson’s Celebrity Belch Page

**Now With Fresh Deadness!!**

Freak of nature, accused kid-toucher and washed up “King of Pop” Michael Jackson, took a break during his recent trial and provided us with this cool belch that smelled a bit like “Jesus Juice.” Click on his photo to hear it.

Wacko Jacko

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Madonna’s Celebrity Belch Page

Quickly aging pop singer and horrible actress, Madonna, allowed us to tape her at the MTV awards after having kissed Britney and Christina. Click on the photo to hear the burp.

Aging Pop Star Madonna

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